Beauty is Pain?

This is possibly one of the most stupid sayings that we tell people, specifically women. It is said that certain elements of beauty, grooming and ‘self-care’ cause pain and that is something women (and men) will inevitably have to face. Yet, this statement is problematic in many ways and is an extremely harmful ideology to propagate.

There are several examples that could be used to illustrate the saying, one such example is hair-removal. Having hair on your arms, legs and body is seen as inherently ‘wrong’ for a woman; from a young age, women are shown the idealised body which includes a hairless body. Thus, women, especially young girls, feel it is necessary to remove this hair and they cannot show their bodies until it is removed. Unfortunately, the methods of removing hair for an extended period of time are very painful as it usually includes ripping out the hair follicle from your body and having to let it regrow, this is undeniably painful. However, we now view it as something that women typically go through and almost a rite of passage which is stupid and a horrible message to send to women. Societal norms dictate that the hair on our bodies is abnormal and does not belong there; the hair that grows on our bodies naturally is deemed unsightly and unfeminine and so we are encouraged to rid ourselves of it. Thus, begins a cycle of self-hate reinforced by the patriarchal norms of the culture around us. This is even worse for POC, such as Indian women who tend to grow more visible hair and affects them greatly, it is inescapable for them. When people complain about this issue, they are told that ‘beauty is pain’ and that it is normal to go through this and there is a tangible benefit in the end. This is wrong and the phrase should go out of use before it harms any more people than it has over the ages.

There are so many issues with the statement that it is hard to know where to begin; a good starting point is the commodification of beauty and how patriarchal, capitalistic businesses have taken advantage of this thought process. Plastic surgery, for example, is a very good example of people trying to make themselves more ‘beautiful’ through painful methods. The fact that we now consider getting yourself cut open with a knife or having invasive procedures done to you ‘normal’ is deeply troubling. Why do we see this and why do we just blindly accept it; people should not have to be rearranged and changed so extensively to feel beautiful! This leads me to my next point, no one has to adjust themselves or harm themselves to be ‘beautiful’; that will never be true. People are beautiful the way they are (to be slightly cliché), they should never feel the need to go to such extreme measures to meet the unrealistic expectations of those around them. Beauty is not so easily definable, there is beauty in every individual and it is fundamentally impossible to limit this to specific characteristics, it is unbelievably harmful to place such definitions on people. Every society defines beauty differently, therefore, it can clearly be seen that beauty is not stagnant, it is ever-changing. I firmly believe that beauty should not be an aspiration, we should find the idea of harming ourselves to achieve this mythical ‘beauty’ disturbing; however, we don’t. It has been ingrained, especially in women, that beauty is something for the lucky ones and the rest of us have to change ourselves to fit these standards which are most often set by men to demean women.

Lastly, and most importantly, no one should have to hurt themselves to feel they are beautiful. Pain will never bring beauty, and it will certainly not bring happiness. No matter how far you go, what you do, you will never be happy; the search for beauty will just bring more pain, it is a self-fulfilling cycle of self-loathing. Beauty is not pain; yet we are still tortured by this ideology.